What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Is it possible to make cars that run on water instead of gasoline or other fossil fuels? Why haven't we done so yet?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

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And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Is it okay if I am not interested to talk to any of my relatives as I saw the real faces in my brother's marriage as none of them helped us rather were a kind of disappointment and were talking bad?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Make Nazis afraid again!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

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In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

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TEXT:

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

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After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Ive been pretending to be okay and acting as normal as possible, but Im actually completely heartbroken after a recent breakup. Its painful and really affecting me, to the point where I cant concentrate at work, Ive lost my appetite, I cant sleep, and It feels as if my whole world has been turned upside down. I loved him so much. He said so many cruel things to me and it made me realize he must not have loved me the way I loved him, or he wouldnt have said such horrible things. How do I handle the heartbreak and why cant I accept that he didnt love me and just forget about him?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

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Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

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Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

I want to touch my sister’s boobs. What do I say?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

How can I get a girlfriend? I am 26.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)